There are a numbers of concerns I have in regards to this crazy thing I have led my family into. Money, being one of the biggest concerns. I mean I am supposed to be the provider for my family aren’t I? Am I crazy to leave a great job, honestly a great ministry, a great family of God; to take them to a self funded ministry that hasn’t even started yet. That seems so uncertain and so contrary to what I am supposed to do as the provider for my family. Stability, security, closeness to family, all that
ripped from my hands given up. The reality is, I have never provided those things for my family. We have had those things, but I have not been the provider. Those things have been given to us by the Jehovah Jireah the God who provides. I feel confident that He will continue to provide those things to us according to His great mercy. So money and provision, while it probably should be, is not the biggest fear I have.
Okay so maybe biggest fear is the wrong word, or maybe it’s the right one. Maybe fear is the right word. I hate to admit that I have fear. Doesn’t perfect love cast out all fears? So shouldn’t I have better faith to overcome fear? I think the thing that worries me, (worry isn’t the right word either) the biggest fear I have is, (i am rambling because if I write it down the fear will come true stupid) Okay. Rug pulling. That is my biggest fear. We had that happen in the past. Heart set on a ministry, ready to move across the state…bam rug pulled. One vote, one person, one decision and someone else decides that we were not the right family or the right skill set. Rug pulled out. That’s my biggest fear, we put our heart into this and somewhere, somehow the rug is pulled, we are left laying broken and bruised wondering what the stink happened. Why was it pulled? Why did we get onto the rug in the first place?
So honestly while totally wanting to move forward, and totally excited there is a piece of me that needs to go all in. To place myself square in the middle of the rug with open arms, open heart, open hands and let the rug puller come or go, or not. I must answer only to God and whether I walked the path He wanted me to walk, as husband, father, pastor, friend and child of His.
So to mix in another metaphor. I am going to go all in. Here is the song that has been hitting me over the last few weeks.
Probably couldn’t be much simpler than that. Too bad I get in the way and worry and fear and the like. Until next tie