Sometimes it’s hard- Raeni

So I guess I only blog when God is teaching my something. Another day, another lesson to learn. In 2011 the words to Chris Tomlin’s song “I Will Follow” were our prayer. Here they are if you aren’t familiar with them.


Where you go, I’ll go

Where you stay, I’ll stay

When you move, I’ll move

I will follow…

All your ways are good

All your ways are sure

I will trust in you alone

Higher than my side

High above my life

I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I’ll go

Where you stay, I’ll stay

When you move, I’ll move

I will follow you

Who you love, I’ll love

How you serve I’ll serve

If this life I lose, I will follow you

I will follow you

Light unto the world

Light unto my life

I will live for you alone

You’re the one I seek

Knowing I will find

All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there’s life everlasting

In you there’s freedom for my soul

In you there joy, unending joy

and I will follow

This was our prayer that our hearts would be ready to go, stay, move, and follow where ever God would call us.

This last month has been tough for me. There are many days that I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to learn language. I don’t want to ride the bus. I don’t want to adapt. However, I DO want to go home.

This beautiful city, yummy baguettes and cheese, and the adventure are not enough to make me not miss my home anymore. I know I posted that language school is gift and that I needed to change my attitude toward it. Right now it’s a really painful gift, a gift I don’t like. I can only compare it to the gift of a baby. Lots of labor pain before you receive the gift. The only problem is – there is no language school epidural and I am not sure that learning a new language will even come close to holding a new baby.

Today at church we sang “I Will Follow”. Immediately I was brought to tears. God had answered my prayer of 2011. He had prepared my heart to go. I went willingly and with joy. Today my heart isn’t in the same place. I am not staying willingly or joyfully. Staying is hard. Staying means that I have to cry with my little girl as I put her to bed and she is missing her purple bedroom. Staying means I have to sit on the stinky 90 degree bus wondering how someone that God created can smell so badly (I was also praying that I wasn’t the stinky person). Staying means that I need to start praying this song again changing the emphasis to, “where you stay, I’ll stay.” Because right now God has said this is where you stay. There is no doubt that this is where God has called us. I just didn’t realize that staying would be so difficult. I don’t post this to make anyone feel bad for me. Believe me, I am blessed beyond measure and I am certain that I serve an All Powerful and Amazing God. As I mentioned when I started blogging this is mostly for my girls, so they can know that following isn’t always easy. So when they are little older they can read and see this is what Mom was dealing with. But for those of you who read this blog I would ask that if you pray, pray that God will give me unending joy as I stay.

9 Replies to “Sometimes it’s hard- Raeni”

  1. Oh Raeni, my heart is aching for you. I will lift you up in prayer MORE! Your honesty in expressing your feelings is, well, HONEST! It’s not like you’re on vacation or anything….One thing that I did learn when we (team from PAC) went to Argentina was the fact that all the missionaries felt much the same as you. Following the Holy Spirits leading is not always easy. BUT, be encouraged that the fruit that will be produced will be pleasing to the Lord. Just think of all the lives that will be changed because of your obedience! We will all meet again (soon I hope). (((HUGS))) to you. I will pray as you asked, for UNENDING JOY! Love you sweet lady!
    Pam

  2. I get it. Totally get it. I’ve been praying the same prayer for myself a lot these days. I will do the same for you guys.
    I read this today…But as for me, I will sing about your power.
    Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
    For you have been my refuge,
    a place of safety when I am in distress. (Psalm 59:16 NLT)
    ~fellow language student in the middle east:)

  3. I get it. Totally get it. I’ve been praying the same prayer for myself a lot these days. I will do the same for you guys.
    I read this today…But as for me, I will sing about your power.
    Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
    For you have been my refuge,
    a place of safety when I am in distress. (Psalm 59:16 NLT)
    ~fellow language student in the middle east:)

  4. Raeni, I have wondered often why God would grant me such wonderful friends only to take them from me and send them places I can’t get to. But he has expanded my heart to know that I can love you and Tony wherever God may place you.
    You have encouraged me in my faith always directing me to the Father. I am and will always be privileged to call you friend. Just the fact that you have followed God encourages me to follow God with the same abandon. I am grateful to have had the years with you in the same town. I am grateful for the way you taught me to trust God and how you encouraged me to pray. And I am grateful for the chance to lift you up in prayer!
    I LOVE you, Raeni (Tony’s not so bad either)

  5. Raeni, I have wondered often why God would grant me such wonderful friends only to take them from me and send them places I can’t get to. But he has expanded my heart to know that I can love you and Tony wherever God may place you.
    You have encouraged me in my faith always directing me to the Father. I am and will always be privileged to call you friend. Just the fact that you have followed God encourages me to follow God with the same abandon. I am grateful to have had the years with you in the same town. I am grateful for the way you taught me to trust God and how you encouraged me to pray. And I am grateful for the chance to lift you up in prayer!
    I LOVE you, Raeni (Tony’s not so bad either)

  6. Raini, there is another song out there, Sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms His child. That’s my prayer for you right now that He will calm the child that is hurting. It is okay to have the down times and question the whys. He is with us no matter what. Tony had shared last week end that it was hard for you and I have been praying that God will give you the strength you need to get through each moment and each day as it comes along. It is also okay to let the girls know that life is not always easy and let them see the hard times along with the easy . During these times let them be your comfort and strength you continue to follow God’s will in your lives. Right now I am praying that God will give you a very close friend in the flesh that you can turn to at times like these and have wonderful fellowship and prayer together. I know you and Tony do this already, but sometimes you just need someone else. Love you guys.

  7. Raini, there is another song out there, Sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms His child. That’s my prayer for you right now that He will calm the child that is hurting. It is okay to have the down times and question the whys. He is with us no matter what. Tony had shared last week end that it was hard for you and I have been praying that God will give you the strength you need to get through each moment and each day as it comes along. It is also okay to let the girls know that life is not always easy and let them see the hard times along with the easy . During these times let them be your comfort and strength you continue to follow God’s will in your lives. Right now I am praying that God will give you a very close friend in the flesh that you can turn to at times like these and have wonderful fellowship and prayer together. I know you and Tony do this already, but sometimes you just need someone else. Love you guys.

  8. Just realized I spelled your name wrong, must be the fact that it has been raining here for the last week. I really do know how to spell it. Anyway, have a great day.

  9. Just realized I spelled your name wrong, must be the fact that it has been raining here for the last week. I really do know how to spell it. Anyway, have a great day.

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